i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
