just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I currently don't understand fingers.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
