We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
