I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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