Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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