How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Come on in and take your pants off
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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