do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
