Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
