the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
