I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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