Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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