he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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