found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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