You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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