i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
