remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
