I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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