I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
