I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
