I just threw up on my dentist
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
