Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
