I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
