True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
