if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
