Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
