i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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