Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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