I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
