If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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