Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
