Just fell off a train. Bad.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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