u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
