Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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