so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
