I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
