White coat. Heels.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
