my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
