Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
