She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
