just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
