god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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