If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
