do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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