I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
