i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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