i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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