If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
