oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
