I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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