I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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