dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
